Kings & Queens.

We've got a long way to go
But we've got the energy
It took a little while to find reality
We've come along way you know
Living inside a dream
Awakened to the fact that we are
Kings & Queens

- B F

Love is not a because, it is a no-matter-what.

It really annoys me when girls say love is too complicated, but they quite happily go sleep around with multiple guys.
Like seriously, that is way more complicated.
Allowing someone access to the most intimate part of your life and then having them dump you and move on to someone else.
Love may indeed be more complicated, and for sure it's definitely not easy. But it most definitely is a lot fulfilling than that.
If someone is not willing to commit to you for the long haul, to put a ring on it and wait - they most definitely do not deserve to share in that intimacy with you.
Stay classy xoxo.


Well that rant is over.
And on another note, I have a boyfriend. How weird is that.
He is really great - treats me like a princess and makes sure I'm always aware that I am one.
I am blessed. Thanks Jesus. 

Nothing&Everything.

This summer has been the best ever.

I do not want it to end, life is such an adventure at the moment.

As soon as summer ends that's when everything becomes real again.
That's when all the free time and hanging out with friends stops.
Everyone goes back to work/school/study/internship, and me,
well I have to find a full time job and sort out what I want to do for the year. 

Finding a job is hard because my options are limited.
I don't want to be stuck working at a supermarket,
but nowhere of note really wants to hire a seventeen year old
high school drop out with no real skill or flair for anything.
I want to do something that I'm going to enjoy doing
and not come home every day hating life lol,
but I can't really afford to be picky.
I think I might like to move into town and go flatting too.

But I trust in God and I know he has the perfect job for me.

I'm really pumped to be ending my holiday with Summer Camp.
And I can't wait to get back into Boost, Elevate & leading a lifegroup.
I feel like I'm going to step into another level this year, a new season. 

Last year was actually a really good year.
I feel like I probably definitely had a few 'I hate life' moments,
but none really worth a second thought.
I passed Level 2 with merit, even though I failed two subjects
 and only turned up to one exam.
I definitely think I could of passed with excellence if I actually tried hard.
 But hey, no regrets I'm still happy.
 Shout out to my main Hannah Dougie
 for being my only friend at school and making it bearable.
 I got my learners, went for my restricted too, but failed lol.
I will go again after camp and pass in Jesus name!
Became a Boost leader and lead my own lifegroup.
Got to preach again which was v  cool.
Started producing Sunday services by myself.
Plenty of others but those were a few of mention. 

Also I will basically have a boyfriend by the end of summer. Life is good. 

Thanks Jesus, you are awesome. 

I have this terrible fear of being alone.

It's not really a fear, I just hate it. Maybe it's the fact that I spend so much time by myself, that I cherish every moment when I'm with company. 

It's funny, because I'm not extroverted at all. I do not get my energy from other people, and I find social gatherings quite draining by the end. And I most definitely am not a night owl, I really love my sleep. But if I am with a friend, I will gladly sacrifice any of these at every opportunity I get, because I just love being around people. Mainly just close friends. 

It's kind of bad, I will make people stay up till ridiculous hours of the morning to talk and hangout, and beg them not to go. And then regret it in the morning because I didn't get enough sleep, but at the same time love it because I got to spend more time with someone I love. 

Maybe it actually is a fear of being alone - I don't want people to leave me.  

Life is so up in the air right now, I have no idea what I'm doing.

But it's okay, God is good.

He is faithful, and he knows what he's doing. 

Also, I really love Christchurch. 

That's The Plan, Stan.

It's actually real. I'm actually finished school forever. I actually dropped out, even though no one thought I was serious about it. 

Truth is, I know exactly where I'm going and what I want to do. It's just that everyone else thinks I don't.

I don't really like telling people what I'm planning on doing, because dreams are precious and hope is easily squashed. You've got to be careful who you tell your dreams to, be wise about the people you entrust it with - they will either make or break you. 

A lot of people are just trying to be "realistic", "common sense" and your "voice of reason". But common sense never did anything great in the world. 

God did not tell me to drop out of school, no. Never. That was my decision. 

I'm sick of waiting, and I'm sick of being at school when my heart is not in it. It was not a rash decision to leave, it was a well thought out, well prayed about decision. Just because I'm not at school, does not mean I will stop learning. 

A lot of people ask me if it's scary. I would be lying if I said no. But that is only the tiniest part in me that is fearful. Mostly, I am at peace and am thrilled to be leaving because I know it is the right decision. It doesn't bother me that I won't have level 3. If I wanted to go to uni I could always do a bridging course, but if all goes to plan I will be 21 by the time I'm finished doing internship anyway.

For me, it's either go hard or go home. I'm in it to win it, or I'm not in it at all. 

God wants my life, and that's what I plan to do. 

Internship is not the only solution to that, but it is a good place to start. My heart is for women's ministry, and I can do that through internship. There is currently nothing at university that I want to study, and I don't want to waste money in doing something that I am only later going to change my mind about. Uni is not even on the cards at the moment, I just have no desire for it. I would rather study through the church and get the hands on experience as well as the qualification, all the whilst serving Jesus and building his church. 

For most people, ministry is kind of a back up plan. They have their career sorted out, in case it doesn't work out. For me, it has always been the other way around. I felt God speak to me about it at Conference 2010 or 11, and it's something that's been on my heart ever since. Maybe that's foolish, but I trust in God. That is my plan. However, if that happens not to work out for whatever reason, I will still love and serve Jesus all the same. If that doesn't work out I can always go to university and do fashion. 

In the end, God's will and not mine. So we'll see what happens. 

I know what the end goal is, I don't know how the journey there will pan out though - and that's okay. 

The plan is to change the world. 

Constant.

No matter how many times I am mocked, called a disgrace, or feel like a disappointment, I remind myself "There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus". And it sets me free - every time. 

John 15:18-2018 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.20 Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’[a] If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also.

Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,

He is my reward, Prince of Peace, Emmanuel, Yahweh, Jehovah, El Shaddai, my Rock, my kinsman redeemer, Lord of all.

He is enough for me. His love covers all.

17.

I feel it is only appropriate to talk about life, as my birthday is in two days.
I was given the gift of life almost 17 years ago, and so often I take it for granted rather than treasure it.
The fact that I am alive and breathing is praise worthy on its own, but I am so fortunate - I have a roof over my head, food on the table for every meal, a bed to sleep in and clothes to wear. I'm blessed beyond compare.
Life is a race, it is short. We need to run it with purpose, and cast off all distractions that can hinder us or sway us from achieving that purpose.


The encouraging thing about life, is that we're not doing it alone.

Even in the loneliest of moments, when we think we're overlooked or forgotten, God still sees us.

He still waits for us to come running to Him, to take His hand and run the race with Him. 

Imagine how it must feel to create a being that you love so much that you would send your only son to die for, to create a being so they could worship you alone and be in relationship with you. And everyday you wait in hope that maybe they would just acknowledge you, if not talk to you and do life with you, but to no avail. Despite the fact that you gave them life, they are too busy to spend time with you and to thank you. 

I am so sorry Jesus. 

The amount of times where I have woken up or gone about my day caught up in the 'busyness' of life, where I have forgot to spend time with Him, is disgusting. When in all reality, nothing else matters. He saved me and gave me life, I owe Him my life - the least I could do is acknowledge Him. And it's so simple too, yet so many of us do it.

I would rather spend one day in His courts, one moment in His presence, than a thousand days elsewhere. 

Nothing else matters. 

The smartest thing I could do with my life, would be to focus it completely on Him. 

Spend every moment with Him, do everything for Him, find myself in Him.

Thankyou Jesus for giving me life.
I am blessed. You are enough for me.